He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
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He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
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On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
there is glitter all over my balls
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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