pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
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The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
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What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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