I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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