Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Randomize
