every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
