Nicole vs. Life
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
