That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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