did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize