Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
