My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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