She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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