found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Houston, we have a squirter
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
