can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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