If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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