last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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