I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.