no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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