Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.