FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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