did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
