sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
