girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
