suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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