I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I know her cup size but not her name....
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