do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
