After last night, I could never be a politician.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
and you said cock pushups were impossible
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
