I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
birth control should be required to get into college
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
