So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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