I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
