You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
