Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
