Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He better not be in your backpack
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
