if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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