I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
