I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
