You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
