It's Friday. Sex?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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