i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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