finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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