and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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