Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
