don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
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he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
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Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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