my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
How's work?
Spinning.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
