The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
