oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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