When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
