My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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