I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
they're like a gay fantastic four
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
