don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
