bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just want nice things and good sex
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
