On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I love having hate sex.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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