hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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