More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We need a shit load of segways right now
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
