3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
