Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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