I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
