remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize